Transforming Relations
A Journey from Autumn to Spring – The Secrets of Blissful Living
5th Chapter – Anand Kaaraj – The Sikh Marriage Ceremony – 2nd Part
Selected Guidelines for a Blissful Married Life
For both Husband and Wife – Guidance as given in Sha’ba’ds in Sri Guru Granth Sahib Jee
- Mutual Respect and Concern
ਸਾ ਗੁਣਵੰਤੀ ਸਾ ਵਡਭਾਗਣਿ ॥ ਪੁਤ੍ਰਵੰਤੀ ਸੀਲਵੰਤਿ ਸੋਹਾਗਣਿ ॥
ਰੂਪਵੰਤਿ ਸਾ ਸੁਘੜਿ ਬਿਚਖਣਿ ਜੋ ਧਨ ਕੰਤ ਪਿਆਰੀ ਜੀਉ ॥ 2 ॥
ਅਚਾਰਵੰਤਿ ਸਾਈ ਪਰਧਾਨੇ ॥ ਸਭ ਸਿੰਗਾਰ ਬਣੇ ਤਿਸੁ ਗਿਆਨੇ ॥
ਸਾ ਕੁਲਵੰਤੀ ਸਾ ਸਭਰਾਈ ਜੋ ਪਿਰਿ ਕੈ ਰੰਗਿ ਸਵਾਰੀ ਜੀਉ ॥3 ॥(ਸ੍ਰੀ. ਗੁ. ਗ੍ਰੰ. ਸਾ. – ਪਂਨਾ 97)
Saa Gunvantee Saa Vadbhaagan || Putrvantee Seelvant Sohagan ||
Roopvant Saa Sugharh Bichkhan Jo Dhan Kant Pi-aaree Jee-o ||2||
Achaarvant Saa-ee Pardhaanay || Sabh Singaar Banay Tis Gi-aanay ||
Saa Kulvantee Saa Sabhraa-ee Jo Pir Kae Rang Savaaree Jee-o ||3||
(SGGS – Raag Maajh – Mehlaa 5- Page 97)
Only that soul bride is loved and is favored by the Lord-God. ||
Who is living her life virtuously as well as she is fortunate and blessed. ||
Such a soul-bride is blessed with bountiful sons and daughters i.e. filled with qualities of Akaal Pura’kh Jee. ||
She is merciful, tender-hearted, has kindness and is in the good favors of Lord-God. || 2 ||
That soul-bride is very beautiful of heart, has developed wise etiquettes, and has a sharp, alert, logical mind. ||
Only such a soul bride can be called well mannered, noble and is meritoriously distinguished. ||
She has embellished her mind with real knowledge and the wisdom of the Guru and thus adorned herself to become very beautiful looking.||
Such a soul bride can become a member of the highly respectable family; is blessed with many brothers i.e. Satsangees. ||
She is the One; who has adorned herself with pure love and virtues of Lord-God. || 3 ||
- Communication Skills
ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਸਦਾ ਸੋਹਾਗਣੀ ਪਿਰੁ ਰਾਖਿਆ ਉਰ ਧਾਰਿ ॥
ਮਿਠਾ ਬੋਲਹਿ ਨਿਵਿ ਚਲਹਿ ਸੇਜੈ ਰਵੈ ਭਤਾਰੁ ॥
ਸੋਭਾਵੰਤੀ ਸੋਹਾਗਣੀ ਜਿਨ ਗੁਰ ਕਾ ਹੇਤੁ ਅਪਾਰੁ ॥2॥ (ਸ੍ਰੀ. ਗੁ. ਗ੍ਰੰ. ਸਾ. – ਪੰਨਾ 31)
Gurmukh Sadaa Sohaaganee Pir Raakhi-aa Ur Dhaar ||
Mithaa Boleh Niv Chaleh Sayjae Ravae Bhataar ||
Sobhaavantee Sohaaganee Jin Gur Kaa Hayt Apaar. ||2||
(SGGS – Sri Raag Mehlaa 3- Page 31)
The soul bride, who has understood and followed the directives of the Guru, is in good favour of her Husband, the Lord-God.
She has truly followed her Lord-God and firmly enshrined her Lord-God in her heart. ||
She is sweet of tongue, is humble and thus enjoys the company of her Husband, the Lord-God. ||
Only such soul brides are noble, distinguished and favorites of their Husband Lord, who have immense and infinite love of life style directed by the Guru. || 2 ||
- Transparency in Relationship
ਸਤੁ ਸੰਤੋਖੁ ਸਦਾ ਸਚੁ ਪਲੈ ਸਚੁ ਬੋਲੈ ਪਿਰ ਭਾਏ ॥
ਨਾਨਕ ਵਿਛੁੜਿ ਨਾ ਦੁਖੁ ਪਾਏ ਗੁਰਮਤਿ ਅੰਕਿ ਸਮਾਏ ॥4॥1॥(ਸ੍ਰੀ. ਗੁ. ਗ੍ਰੰ. ਸਾ. – ਪੰਨਾ 764)
Sat Santokh Sadaa Sach Palae Sach Bolae Pir Bhaa-ay ||
Naanak Vichhurh Naa Dukh Paa-ay Gurmat Ank Samaa-ay || 4 || 1 ||
(SGGS – Soohee Mehlaa 1- Page 764)
Such soul brides, who have in the lap of their mind, the virtues of Truthful living, are forever contented in God’s benevolence, always speak the Truth are pleasing to the Lord-God, the Husband Master. ||
By inculcating Guru directed virtues in their life, they successfully embrace, merge with & achieve union with their Lord-God and do not ever suffer the pangs of separation from their Lord-God, the Husband Master. || 4 || 1 ||
ਨਾਨਕ ਸੋਹਾਗਣਿ ਕਾ ਕਿਆ ਚਿਹਨੁ ਹੈ ਅੰਦਰਿ ਸਚੁ ਮੁਖੁ ਉਜਲਾ ਖਸਮੈ ਮਾਹਿ ਸਮਾਇ ॥1॥
(ਸ੍ਰੀ. ਗੁ. ਗ੍ਰੰ. ਸਾ. – ਪੰਨਾ 785)
Naanak Sohagan Kaa Ki-aa Chi-hn Hae Andar Sach Mukh Ujlaa Khasmae Maahi Samaa-ay ||1||
(SGGS – Soohee Mehlaa 3- Page 785)
3rd Naanak says; what is the sign and attribute of the soul bride who is loved & in favor of Lord-God, the Husband Master?
3rd Naanak elaborates that when the soul bride is leading a truthful life as per Guru’s teaching, is radiant and glowing with Guru oriented True life style in her, without doubt, she remains absorbed & attains union with her Lord-God, the Husband Master and merges eternally into Super-Soul. || 1 ||
- Remaining Steadfast in Troubled Times
ਰੂਖੋ ਭੋਜਨੁ ਭੂਮਿ ਸੈਨ ਸਖੀ ਪ੍ਰਿਅ ਸੰਗਿ ਸੂਖਿ ਬਿਹਾਤ ॥ (ਸ੍ਰੀ. ਗੁ. ਗ੍ਰੰ. ਸਾ. – ਪੰਨਾ 1306)
Rookho Bhojan Bhoom S-ain Sakhee Pri-a S-ang Sookh Bihaat ||2||3||42||
(SGGS – Kanrhaa Mehlaa 5- Page 1306)
5th Naanak says, the contentment of togetherness with my beloved Husband Master, the Lord-God is much more satisfying than worldly riches. Even if I have to eat dry bread loaves and have to sleep on bare floor instead of rich dishes and cozy comfortable palaces and beds, O dear sister, I am not at all bothered about such things, if my beloved Husband Master, the Lord-God is by my side || 2 || 3 || 42 ||
- Learning Skills
ਜਿਉ ਪੁਰਖੈ ਘਰਿ ਭਗਤੀ ਨਾਰਿ ਹੈ ਅਤਿ ਲੋਚੈ ਭਗਤੀ ਭਾਇ ॥
ਬਹੁ ਰਸ ਸਾਲਣੇ ਸਵਾਰਦੀ ਖਟ ਰਸ ਮੀਠੇ ਪਾਇ ॥ (ਸ੍ਰੀ. ਗੁ. ਗ੍ਰੰ. ਸਾ. – ਪੰਨਾ 1413)
Ji-u Purkhae Ghar Bhagtee Naar Hae A-tt Lochae Bhagtee Bhaa-ay ||
Bah-u Ras Saalnay Savaardee Khat Ras Meethay Paa-ay ||
(SGGS – Salok Vaaraan Tay Vadheek – Salok Mehlaa 3- Page 1413)
3rd Naanak says that as the devoted wife has a great longing to serve her husband and earn his pleasure and love, she prepares different sweet and salty delicacies of all types to please him. ||
Similarly, the truly devoted soul bride has a longing to please his Lord-God the Husband Master and serves her Husband Master, the Lord-God by her selfless devotion to Him in the form of living her life as per the teachings of the Guru, Gurbaanee. ||
- Qualities
ਕਵਣੁ ਸੁ ਅਖਰੁ ਕਵਣੁ ਗੁਣੁ ਕਵਣੁ ਸੁ ਮਣੀਆ ਮੰਤੁ ॥ ਕਵਣੁ ਸੁ ਵੇਸੋ ਹਉ ਕਰੀ ਜਿਤੁ ਵਸਿ ਆਵੈ ਕੰਤੁ ॥
ਨਿਵਣੁ ਸੁ ਅਖਰੁ ਖਵਣੁ ਗੁਣੁ ਜਿਹਬਾ ਮਣੀਆ ਮੰਤੁ ॥ ਏ ਤ੍ਰੈ ਭੈਣੇ ਵੇਸ ਕਰਿ ਤਾਂ ਵਸਿ ਆਵੀ ਕੰਤੁ ॥127॥
(ਸ੍ਰੀ. ਗੁ. ਗ੍ਰੰ. ਸਾ. – ਪੰਨਾ 1384)
Kavan S-u Akhar Kavan Gun Kavan S-u Manee-aa Mant ||
Kavan S-u Vay-so Ha-u Karee Jit Vas Aavae Ka-nt ||
Nivan S-u Akhar Kha-vn Gun Jihbaa Manee-aa Mant ||
Eay Tarae Bhainay Vays Kar Taa-n vVs Aavee Ka-nt || 127 ||
(SGGS – Salok Saikh Fareed Jee – Page 1384)
Sheikh Fareed Jee says, what is that word, virtue and magic wand, which can captivate my Husband Master, the Lord-God? ||
What should I wear and how should I dress up so that My Husband Master is pleased and in my control. ||
He elaborates that humbleness is the word, forgiveness is the virtue and sweet tongue is the magic wand by which Lord-God the Husband Master is pleased and comes in her control. ||
Further, Sheikh Fareed Jee says, that if a soul bride attains these above-mentioned virtues and these attributes reflect in her life style then surely she will be a darling of her Husband Master, The Lord-God. || 127 ||
- Commitment
ਨਿਮਖ ਕਾਮ ਸੁਆਦ ਕਾਰਣਿ ਕੋਟਿ ਦਿਨਸ ਦੁਖੁ ਪਾਵਹਿ ॥
ਘਰੀ ਮੁਹਤ ਰੰਗ ਮਾਣਹਿ ਫਿਰਿ ਬਹੁਰਿ ਬਹੁਰਿ ਪਛੁਤਾਵਹਿ ॥ 1 ॥
ਅੰਧੇ ਚੇਤਿ ਹਰਿ ਹਰਿ ਰਾਇਆ ॥ ਤੇਰਾ ਸੋ ਦਿਨੁ ਨੇੜੈ ਆਇਆ ॥ 1 ॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥
ਪਲਕ ਦ੍ਰਿਸਟਿ ਦੇਖਿ ਭੂਲੋ ਆਕ ਨੀਮ ਕੋ ਤੂੰਮਰੁ ॥
ਜੈਸਾ ਸੰਗੁ ਬਿਸੀਅਰ ਸਿਉ ਹੈ ਰੇ ਤੈਸੋ ਹੀ ਇਹੁ ਪਰ ਗ੍ਰਿਹੁ ॥ 2 ॥ (ਸ੍ਰੀ. ਗੁ. ਗ੍ਰੰ. ਸਾ. – ਪੰਨਾ 403)
Nimakh Kaam Su-aad Kaaran Kot Dinas Dukh Paavahi ||
Gharee Muhat R-ang Maan-eh Fir Bahur Bahur Pachhutaavahi ||1||
Andhay Chayt Har Har Raa-iaa ||
Teraa S-o Di-n Nayrae Aa-iaa || 1 || Rahaa-u ||
Palak Drist Daykh Bhool-o Aa-k Neem K-o Too-mar ||
Jaysaa S-ang Bisee-ar Si-u Hae Ray Tais-o Hee Ieh Pa-r Gr-ih || 2 ||
(SGGS – Aasaa Mehlaa 5 – Page 403)
For a short moment of enjoyment of satisfying one’s lust & carnal sensual desires and pleasures of the body, a person suffers pain, sickness and illness for a long period. ||
However, the person may relish pleasure for a brief period but then regrets and feels sorry about it again & again. || 1 ||
O blind fool, keep in mind the remembrance of your king, the Lord-God. ||
Your day of destiny; i. e. your death is drawing closer to you with every passing moment. || 1 || Pause ||
When you are enticed by lustful carnal desires due to sensual beauty of another person, it is just like feasting your eyes & savoring the beauty of bitter melon, swollen wort, Neem tree etc. that are in fact bitter & poisonous. ||
Similarly, lust and carnal desires for another person’s spouse is like the companionship of a poisonous snake, which can bite & kill you any time. || 2 ||
ਪਰ ਤ੍ਰਿਅ ਰਾਵਣਿ ਜਾਹਿ ਸੇਈ ਤਾ ਲਾਜੀਅਹਿ ॥ (ਸ੍ਰੀ. ਗੁ. ਗ੍ਰੰ. ਸਾ. – ਪੰਨਾ 1362)
Par Tri-a Raavan Jaahi Say-ee Taa Laajee-ah ||
(SGGS – Funhay Mehlaa 5 – Page 1362)
5th Naanak says, those who go out to enjoy other person’s spouse shall have to suffer & hang their head in shame in their life. ||
———————————————————————-
Traditional Sha’ba’ds
Generally sung prior to Anand Kaaraj Ceremony
(ਰਵਾਇਤੀ ਸ਼ਬਦ – ਆਮ ਤੌਰ ਤੇ ਅਨੰਦ ਕਾਰਜ ਦੀ ਰਸਮ ਤੋਂ ਪਹਿਲਾਂ ਜਿਨ੍ਹਾਂ ਸ਼ਬਦਾਂ ਦਾ ਗਾਇਨ ਕੀਤਾ ਜਾਂਦਾ ਹੈ)
ਕਰਿ ਕਿਰਪਾ ਅਪਨੈ ਘਰਿ ਆਇਆ ਤਾ ਮਿਲਿ ਸਖੀਆ ਕਾਜੁ ਰਚਾਇਆ ॥
ਖੇਲੁ ਦੇਖਿ ਮਨਿ ਅਨਦੁ ਭਇਆ ਸਹੁ ਵੀਆਹਣ ਆਇਆ ॥ 1 ॥
ਗਾਵਹੁ ਗਾਵਹੁ ਕਾਮਣੀ ਬਿਬੇਕ ਬੀਚਾਰੁ ॥
ਹਮਰੈ ਘਰਿ ਆਇਆ ਜਗਜੀਵਨੁ ਭਤਾਰੁ ॥ 1 ॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥ (ਸ੍ਰੀ. ਗੁ. ਗ੍ਰੰ. ਸਾ. – ਪੰਨਾ 351)
Ka’(i)r Kirpaa Apnae Gha’(i)r Aa-iaa T-aa Mi(i)l
Sakhee-aa Kaaj Rachaa-iaa ||
Khel(u) De(i)Kh Ma’(i)n Ana’d(u) Bha’-iaa
Sah(u) Vee-aah-ha’n Aa-i-aa || 1 ||
Gaava’h-u Gaava’-u Kaam-nee Bibek Bee-chaar(u) ||
Ha’m-rae Gha’(i)r Aa-i-aa Jag-jeeva’n Bha’taar(u) || 1 || Rahaa-u ||
(SGGS – Aasaa Mehla 5 – Page 351)
The four stanzas of Laa(n)van Shabad in Soohee Raag on page 773 in Sri Guru Granth Sahib Jee; were written by Guru Ram Das Sahib Jee, wherein he elaborates:
Iin the first step Guru Sahib tells us about commitment & responsibility. For one to be true to one’s own soul, one has to be committed to righteousness, be on the spiritual path and communicate with the soul through personal spiritual practice.
Then he tells us about the second step, which is the commitment of the couple that they have met the True Guru, they get out of their ego identification and sacrifice to the unity, to the merger, and rise above their personalities and judgments. Commit to the institution of marriage as part of one’s spiritual path.
Next, in third step, Guru Ram Das Sahib Jee tells the couple that they have been blessed to be a part of the Saadh Sangat and that their lives should be an example of service and divinity to all around them, to fulfill the great destiny they have been given.
Finally, in the fourth step, the Guru says that the merger has taken place with the Infinite, because one has followed his advice. Each has inspired the other towards that merger.
20th Paurhee (Sree Raag Kee Vaar Mehla 4)
20ਵੀਂ ਪਉੜੀ (ਸਿਰੀਰਾਗ ਕੀ ਵਾਰ ਮਹਲਾ 4)
ਪਉੜੀ ॥
ਕੀਤਾ ਲੋੜੀਐ ਕੰਮੁ ਸੁ ਹਰਿ ਪਹਿ ਆਖੀਐ ॥ ਕਾਰਜੁ ਦੇਇ ਸਵਾਰਿ ਸਤਿਗੁਰ ਸਚੁ ਸਾਖੀਐ ॥
ਸੰਤਾ ਸੰਗਿ ਨਿਧਾਨੁ ਅੰਮ੍ਰਿਤੁ ਚਾਖੀਐ ॥ ਭੈ ਭੰਜਨ ਮਿਹਰਵਾਨ ਦਾਸ ਕੀ ਰਾਖੀਐ ॥
ਨਾਨਕ ਹਰਿ ਗੁਣ ਗਾਇ ਅਲਖੁ ਪ੍ਰਭੁ ਲਾਖੀਐ ॥ 20 ॥ (ਸ੍ਰੀ. ਗੁ. ਗ੍ਰੰ. ਸਾ. – ਪੰਨਾ 91)
Keetaa lo-rhee-aey Kam’m Su Ha(i)r Paih Aakhee-aey ||
Kaaraj(u) Da-e Savaar Sat(i)gurSach(u) Saakhee-aey ||
Santaa Sang’g Nidhaan Am’mrit Chaakhee-aey ||
Bhae Bha’nja’n Meharvaan Daas Kee Raakhee-aey ||
Naanak Har Gun Gaa-e Alakh Prabh Laakhee-aey ||20||
(SGGS – Paurhee – Page 91)
Anand Kaaraj Contextual Message: My Lord! I need to complete this task of marrying my son/daughter, please help me and give me strength & vision so that I am able to complete this task without hindrances & glitches. I know that the True Guru has vouched for this that if I beseech YOUR help, dear God; YOU accomplish & fulfil the task in a smooth manner. In the company of sagacious God-Loving persons is the treasure trove of good virtues and one gets to taste the sweet ambrosial nectar of God’s blessings. For, God is most benevolent and is the ultimate banisher of all fears and worldly worries. HE always takes care of all unknown fears lurking in my mind. I, his servant, always sing HIS praises & this way I am able to understand & know the unfathomable great Lord-God.
Spiritual Guidelines: When a person realizes that he/she needs to accomplish the real task & aim of getting this human body & being born in this nether world, one need to very humbly beseech God & plead for HIS help to achieve the purpose of human life. One should always be convinced that the True Guru has guaranteed that if my plea to GOD is free from worldly desires, He will definitely help us in achieving the ultimate goal of this human life i.e. merging our soul with eternal super soul Waheguru. This becomes possible in the company of God-fearing sagacious persons, where one is able to taste the ambrosial nectar of good virtues & removal of vices from one’s mind. The Good Lord is very benevolent and banishes all worries & fears from one’s mind about the failure or success of the real mission of this life. Naanak says, a person as his humble servant need to sing HIS praises i.e. live one’s life as per the guidelines of True Guru & by adopting and truly following the path directed by the True Guru, one is able to merge his/her soul in the all-encompassing, all-pervading God-Lord.
Slok Mehlaa 3
ਮਃ 3 ॥
ਧਨ ਪਿਰੁ ਏਹਿ ਨ ਆਖੀਅਨਿ ਬਹਨਿ ਇਕਠੇ ਹੋਇ ॥
ਏਕ ਜੋਤਿ ਦੁਇ ਮੂਰਤੀ ਧਨ ਪਿਰੁ ਕਹੀਐ ਸੋਇ ॥ 3 ॥ (ਸ੍ਰੀ. ਗੁ. ਗ੍ਰੰ. ਸਾ. – ਪੰਨਾ 788)
Dha’n Pir(u) E(i)h N’a Aakheeya(i)n Beh(i)n Ika’ththe Hoey ||
Eak Jo(i)t Duey Moortee, Dha’n Pir(u) Ka’heeyaey Soey ||3||
(SGGS – Mehla 3 – Page 788)
Anand Kaaraj Contextual Message: For a successful married life, it is not just necessary to wed as per ritual & live together under one roof as husband and wife. In fact, it is much more important to have a similar and congruent life-living thought-process in both of them. They should have similarity in living their life style, only then they can earn the label of a truly successful married couple.
Spiritual Guidelines: For a person wishing to achieve oneness with God in this human life, treating Lord-God as husband and himself/herself as wife, achieving true success towards merging one’s soul with God is not possible by leading a mere ritualistic life style of outwardly behaviour and not changing one’s inner self. In fact, true success in the endeavor to merge one’s soul with God lies in submitting totally to the Will of God & living a truly joyous and virtuous life as per the directions of the True Guru i.e. Gurbaanee.
Slok Mehlaa 5
ਸਲੋਕ ਮਃ 5 ॥
ਉਸਤਤਿ ਨਿੰਦਾ ਨਾਨਕ ਜੀ ਮੈ ਹਭ ਵਞਾਈ ਛੋੜਿਆ ਹਭੁ ਕਿਝੁ ਤਿਆਗੀ ॥
ਹਭੇ ਸਾਕ ਕੂੜਾਵੇ ਡਿਠੇ ਤਉ ਪਲੈ ਤੈਡੈ ਲਾਗੀ ॥ 1 ॥ (ਸ੍ਰੀ. ਗੁ. ਗ੍ਰੰ. ਸਾ. – ਪੰਨਾ 963)
Usta’t Nindaa Naanak Jee Mai’n Ha’bh Vanjaaee
Chhorhiaa Ha’bh Kijh Tiagee ||
Ha’bhey Saak Kurhaavey Diththe Tau Pa’llaey Taindey Laagee ||1||
(SGGS – Slok Mehla 5 – Page 963)
Anand Kaaraj Contextual Message: Here, the wife is expressing her firm resolve that she has left behind every other relation and everything else including praises and slurs. She further says that now that I have realized the emptiness of all other relationships in this world, O! My dear husband, after discarding all other relationships, I hereby bind myself to holding your sash only.
Spiritual Guidelines: Here the person yearning for achieving unity & merging one’s soul into God is very firmly stating that he/she has left behind all enticements and discarded the value of the praises/slurs (denouncements) etc. for achieving worldly success in this life. It happened this way, when I realized that every relation in this world is unstable, not lasting and fickle. So treating these relationships as absolutely and totally insignificant, I have now held and gripped on to your sash i.e. I have adopted my way of life as per the directions given by the
True Guru-Gurbaanee.
(ਚਲਦਾ ———- Continued in next month’s issue)
