Why Children do not listen to their Parents ?


Why Children do not listen to their Parents ?

( Dr. Sarbjit Singh ) Vashi, Navi Mumbai – 400703. E-mail = sarbjitsingh@yahoo.com

It is a very common and persistent problem for most of the parents. Parents may have a feeling and conviction that they themselves are religious, e, g, daily going to Gurdwaras, reciting Paath, but their children do not listen to them and do not adopt the lifestyle of the parents. The basic reason is this, that though parents claim to be very religious, but in fact many of them are not so. Most of the parents just lead the ritualistic life and perform the rituals only. Very rarely they introspect to find out, whether they are actually living the life of a true Sikh or just pretending to be so called Sikhs.

ਸੂਹੀ ਮਹਲਾ ੫ ॥

ਕਰਮ ਧਰਮ ਪਾਖੰਡ ਜੋ ਦੀਸਹਿ; ਤਿਨ ਜਮੁ ਜਾਗਾਤੀ ਲੂਟੈ ॥ ਨਿਰਬਾਣ ਕੀਰਤਨੁ ਗਾਵਹੁ ਕਰਤੇ ਕਾ; ਨਿਮਖ ਸਿਮਰਤ ਜਿਤੁ ਛੂਟੈ ॥੧॥ ਸੰਤਹੁ ਸਾਗਰੁ ਪਾਰਿ ਉਤਰੀਐ ॥ ਜੇ ਕੋ ਬਚਨੁ ਕਮਾਵੈ ਸੰਤਨ ਕਾ; ਸੋ ਗੁਰ ਪਰਸਾਦੀ ਤਰੀਐ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥ ਕੋਟਿ ਤੀਰਥ ਮਜਨ ਇਸਨਾਨਾ; ਇਸੁ ਕਲਿ ਮਹਿ ਮੈਲੁ ਭਰੀਜੈ ॥ ਸਾਧਸੰਗਿ ਜੋ ਹਰਿ ਗੁਣ ਗਾਵੈ; ਸੋ ਨਿਰਮਲੁ ਕਰਿ ਲੀਜੈ ॥੨॥ ਬੇਦ ਕਤੇਬ ਸਿਮ੍ਰਿਤਿ ਸਭਿ ਸਾਸਤ, ਇਨ੍ਾ ਪੜਿਆ ਮੁਕਤਿ ਨ ਹੋਈ ॥ ਏਕੁ ਅਖਰੁ ਜੋ ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਜਾਪੈ; ਤਿਸ ਕੀ ਨਿਰਮਲ ਸੋਈ ॥੩॥ ਖਤ੍ਰੀ ਬ੍ਰਾਹਮਣ ਸੂਦ ਵੈਸ; ਉਪਦੇਸੁ ਚਹੁ ਵਰਨਾ ਕਉ ਸਾਝਾ ॥ ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਨਾਮੁ ਜਪੈ ਉਧਰੈ ਸੋ ਕਲਿ ਮਹਿ; ਘਟਿ ਘਟਿ ਨਾਨਕ ਮਾਝਾ ॥੪॥ (ਸ. ਗੁ. ਗ੍ਰੰ. ਸਾ. ਪੰਨਾ ੭੪੭, ੭੪੮)

All the actions, religious formalities and rituals we, as parents perform & observe, which can be seen, are not acceptable in the Sikh Way of Life and certainly not leading towards the goal of human life i. e. merging of the soul in Akal Purkh. Right from the morning till night, we observe that parents mostly perform & do religious formalities, which, come in the category of seeing only. Daily Paath is done at such a speed, that we ourselves are not listening. The language used in Guru Granth Sahib is not as per the language of present times. Hence, Shabad sung in the form of Kirtan does not go inside and strike a chord within us (Parents), until someone simplifies that in the present vocabulary of the language with proper meaning and examples. Most of the ballad singers (Ragi’s) are just musicians only. In most of the cases they themselves do not know the meaning and life style directions given in that Shabad.

Gurbani says that one can be freed (Mukt) just in a fraction of a second, if one remembers Him in a selfless manner. You can see many people saying “Waheguru, Waheguru”, for hours together. Many people have even gone to the extent of considering this chanting as the only important thing by treating the Gurbani insignificantly and started just reciting “Waheguru, Waheguru”, only. How many of them have got internal freedom and eternal blissful state of mind ? They can themselves look in the inner core of their heart. Most of the time, we all, as parents, just do formalities for everything.

Gurmat advises for True Bani Spirit i. e. living the values propagated by Gurbani, but people are happier with the adulterated and Kachchi Bani. Guru Sahibs have warned against Kachchi Bani in many Shabads. We expect all good things to happen to us without listening and following the True Spirit of Gurbani.

For Example: When a time comes to celebrate an event in the family, all friends and relatives are invited for the occasion, but Akhand Paath is initiated with a very few persons attending the opening ceremony. In rare cases some family members do listen to the Paath being recited. But mostly, they are very busy with other arrangements and preparations needed for the occasion. Some people come at the end of Paath as a formality. You can observe a fairly large number of invitees at the time of Langar.

In reality most of the marriage ceremonies are not solemnized according to Sikh doctrines. Even Laavaan’s are listened to rarely by the couple. They go on performing and completing the rituals as instructed by relatives and the Granthi conducting the ceremony. Actually every Laav’n is supposed to be taking a person towards acceptance of his/her responsibility towards life and the Guru. If one has not even listened and understood the guidelines given in the Shabad, how it can be considered an acceptance of the rationale behind the process ? How one can be considered to have activated and achieved harmony in life ?

The fundamental reason is that, we, as adults and parents do not listen to the Guru’s values for leading a truthful and true life. Then how the children will listen to us ? We do not provide appropriate environment in the family by living our life as per the directions of the Guru. Further, there is very little teaching of Gurmat from the Gurdwaras in the present scenario. The social system has become unethical leading to poor images being formed in the minds of the upcoming generations. The Media, which is exerting very strong influence on youngsters in present times, mostly misdirects. It imparts and justifies wrong behaviour in the form of lewd songs, body exhibiting dances, sensational serials striking at the very root of family life, pictures, etc. If there is no good environment provided to the children, how can good results be expected ? T.V. shows and social media are not in the control of us parents but certainly; we can mould our family. Gurdwaras can also help in this effort. What we need to do is start listening to the Guru, studying, understanding & implementing the core values of Gurbani thought process in our life & family.

Gurbani is not meant for mere rituals only. One has to read, study, understand, analyze and follow the directions in his/her life.

ਗਾਵੀਐ ਸੁਣੀਐ; ਮਨਿ ਰਖੀਐ ਭਾਉ ॥ ਦੁਖੁ ਪਰਹਰਿ; ਸੁਖੁ, ਘਰਿ ਲੈ ਜਾਇ ॥ (ਸ. ਗੁ. ਗ੍ਰੰ. ਸਾ. ਪੰਨਾ ੨)

As far as hairs are concerned, they are an inseparable part of our body but youngsters now-a-days do not listen to the logic of treating the hair as being a permanent “STAMP OF GURU”. When we (Parents) ourselves do not follow the guidelines of the Guru, then how can we teach the life style directive guidelines imparted by the Guru to our next generation and expect them to follow the path shown by the Guru ? The following Shabads give an idea as to who are our Father and Mother. How much do we listen, understand & follow the path directed by Him, can be analyzed by each of us in our own life.

ਸਲੋਕੁ ॥

ਪਵਣੁ ਗੁਰੂ, ਪਾਣੀ ਪਿਤਾ; ਮਾਤਾ ਧਰਤਿ ਮਹਤੁ॥ ਦਿਵਸੁ ਰਾਤਿ ਦੁਇ ਦਾਈ ਦਾਇਆ; ਖੇਲੈ ਸਗਲ ਜਗਤੁ ॥ ਚੰਗਿਆਈਆ ਬੁਰਿਆਈਆ; ਵਾਚੈ ਧਰਮੁ ਹਦੂਰਿ ॥ ਕਰਮੀ ਆਪੋ ਆਪਣੀ; ਕੇ ਨੇੜੈ, ਕੇ ਦੂਰਿ ॥ ਜਿਨੀ ਨਾਮੁ ਧਿਆਇਆ; ਗਏ ਮਸਕਤਿ ਘਾਲਿ ॥ ਨਾਨਕ ! ਤੇ ਮੁਖ ਉਜਲੇ; ਕੇਤੀ ਛੁਟੀ ਨਾਲਿ ॥੧॥ (ਸ. ਗੁ. ਗ੍ਰੰ. ਸਾ. ਪੰਨਾ ੮)

ਮਾਝ ਮਹਲਾ ੫ ॥

ਤੂੰ ਮੇਰਾ ਪਿਤਾ; ਤੂੰਹੈ ਮੇਰਾ ਮਾਤਾ ॥ ਤੂੰ ਮੇਰਾ ਬੰਧਪੁ; ਤੂੰ ਮੇਰਾ ਭ੍ਰਾਤਾ ॥ ਤੂੰ ਮੇਰਾ ਰਾਖਾ ਸਭਨੀ ਥਾਈ; ਤਾ ਭਉ ਕੇਹਾ ਕਾੜਾ ਜੀਉ ? ॥੧॥ ਤੁਮਰੀ ਕਿੂਪਾ ਤੇ ਤੁਧੁ ਪਛਾਣਾ ॥ ਤੂੰ ਮੇਰੀ ਓਟ; ਤੂੰਹੈ ਮੇਰਾ ਮਾਣਾ ॥ ਤੁਝ ਬਿਨੁ, ਦੂਜਾ ਅਵਰੁ ਨ ਕੋਈ; ਸਭੁ ਤੇਰਾ ਖੇਲੁ ਅਖਾੜਾ ਜੀਉ ॥੨॥ ਜੀਅ ਜੰਤ ਸਭਿ; ਤੁਧੁ ਉਪਾਏ ॥ ਜਿਤੁ ਜਿਤੁ ਭਾਣਾ; ਤਿਤੁ ਤਿਤੁ ਲਾਏ ॥ ਸਭ ਕਿਛੁ ਕੀਤਾ ਤੇਰਾ ਹੋਵੈ; ਨਾਹੀ ਕਿਛੁ ਅਸਾੜਾ ਜੀਉ ॥੩॥ ਨਾਮੁ ਧਿਆਇ; ਮਹਾ ਸੁਖੁ ਪਾਇਆ ॥ ਹਰਿ ਗੁਣ ਗਾਇ; ਮੇਰਾ ਮਨੁ ਸੀਤਲਾਇਆ ॥ ਗੁਰਿ ਪੂਰੈ ਵਜੀ ਵਾਧਾਈ; ਨਾਨਕ ! ਜਿਤਾ ਬਿਖਾੜਾ ਜੀਉ ॥੪॥ (ਸ. ਗੁ. ਗ੍ਰੰ. ਸਾ. ਪੰਨਾ ੧੦੩)

ਗਉੜੀ ਬੈਰਾਗਣਿ ਮਹਲਾ ੪ ॥

ਹਮਰੈ ਮਨਿ ਚਿਤਿ ਹਰਿ ਆਸ ਨਿਤ; ਕਿਉ ਦੇਖਾ ਹਰਿ ਦਰਸੁ ਤੁਮਾਰਾ ? ॥ ਜਿਨਿ ਪ੍ਰੀਤਿ ਲਾਈ, ਸੋ ਜਾਣਤਾ; ਹਮਰੈ ਮਨਿ ਚਿਤਿ ਹਰਿ ਬਹੁਤੁ ਪਿਆਰਾ ॥ ਹਉ ਕੁਰਬਾਨੀ ਗੁਰ ਆਪਣੇ; ਜਿਨਿ ਵਿਛੁੜਿਆ ਮੇਲਿਆ, ਮੇਰਾ ਸਿਰਜਨਹਾਰਾ ॥੧॥ ਮੇਰੇ ਰਾਮ ! ਹਮ ਪਾਪੀ ਸਰਣਿ ਪਰੇ; ਹਰਿ ਦੁਆਰਿ ॥ ਮਤੁ ਨਿਰਗੁਣ, ਹਮ ਮੇਲੈ ਕਬਹੂੰ; ਅਪੁਨੀ ਕਿਰਪਾ ਧਾਰਿ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥ ਹਮਰੇ ਅਵਗੁਣ ਬਹੁਤੁ ਬਹੁਤੁ ਹੈ; ਬਹੁ ਬਾਰ ਬਾਰ, ਹਰਿ ਗਣਤ ਨ ਆਵੈ ॥ ਤੂੰ ਗੁਣਵੰਤਾ ਹਰਿ ਹਰਿ ਦਇਆਲੁ ਹਰਿ; ਆਪੇ ਬਖਸਿ ਲੈਹਿ ਹਰਿ ਭਾਵੈ ॥ ਹਮ ਅਪਰਾਧੀ ਰਾਖੇ ਗੁਰ ਸੰਗਤੀ; ਉਪਦੇਸੁ ਦੀਓ ਹਰਿ ਨਾਮੁ ਛਡਾਵੈ ॥੨॥ ਤੁਮਰੇ ਗੁਣ ਕਿਆ ਕਹਾ ਮੇਰੇ ਸਤਿਗੁਰਾ ! ਜਬ ਗੁਰੁ ਬੋਲਹ, ਤਬ ਬਿਸਮੁ ਹੋਇ ਜਾਇ ॥ ਹਮ ਜੈਸੇ ਅਪਰਾਧੀ ਅਵਰੁ ਕੋਈ ਰਾਖੈ ? ਜੈਸੇ ਹਮ ਸਤਿਗੁਰਿ ਰਾਖਿ ਲੀਏ ਛਡਾਇ ॥ ਤੂੰ ਗੁਰੁ ਪਿਤਾ, ਤੂੰਹੈ ਗੁਰੁ ਮਾਤਾ; ਤੂੰ ਗੁਰੁ ਬੰਧਪੁ ਮੇਰਾ ਸਖਾ ਸਖਾਇ॥੩॥ ਜੋ ਹਮਰੀ ਬਿਧਿ ਹੋਤੀ ਮੇਰੇ ਸਤਿਗੁਰਾ ! ਸਾ ਬਿਧਿ ਤੁਮ ਹਰਿ ਜਾਣਹੁ ਆਪੇ ॥ ਹਮ ਰੁਲਤੇ ਫਿਰਤੇ ਕੋਈ ਬਾਤ ਨ ਪੂਛਤਾ; ਗੁਰ ਸਤਿਗੁਰ ਸੰਗਿ ਕੀਰੇ ਹਮ ਥਾਪੇ ॥ ਧੰਨੁ ਧੰਨੁ ਗੁਰੂ ਨਾਨਕ ਜਨ ਕੇਰਾ; ਜਿਤੁ ਮਿਲਿਐ, ਚੂਕੇ ਸਭਿ ਸੋਗ ਸੰਤਾਪੇ ॥੪॥ (ਸ. ਗੁ. ਗ੍ਰੰ. ਸਾ. ਪੰਨਾ ੧੬੭)

ੴ ਸਤਿ ਗੁਰ ਪ੍ਰਸਾਦਿ ॥ ਗਉੜੀ ਬਾਵਨ ਅਖਰੀ ਮਹਲਾ ੫ ॥ ਸਲੋਕੁ ॥

ਗੁਰਦੇਵ ਮਾਤਾ, ਗੁਰਦੇਵ ਪਿਤਾ; ਗੁਰਦੇਵ ਸੁਆਮੀ ਪਰਮੇਸੁਰਾ ॥ ਗੁਰਦੇਵ ਸਖਾ ਅਗਿਆਨ ਭੰਜਨੁ; ਗੁਰਦੇਵ ਬੰਧਿਪ ਸਹੋਦਰਾ ॥ ਗੁਰਦੇਵ ਦਾਤਾ ਹਰਿ ਨਾਮੁ ਉਪਦੇਸੈ; ਗੁਰਦੇਵ ਮੰਤੁ ਨਿਰੋਧਰਾ ॥ ਗੁਰਦੇਵ ਸਾਂਤਿ ਸਤਿ ਬੁਧਿ ਮੂਰਤਿ; ਗੁਰਦੇਵ ਪਾਰਸ ਪਰਸ ਪਰਾ ॥ ਗੁਰਦੇਵ ਤੀਰਥੁ ਅੰਮ੍ਰਿਤ ਸਰੋਵਰੁ; ਗੁਰ ਗਿਆਨ ਮਜਨੁ ਅਪਰੰਪਰਾ ॥ ਗੁਰਦੇਵ ਕਰਤਾ ਸਭਿ ਪਾਪ ਹਰਤਾ; ਗੁਰਦੇਵ ਪਤਿਤ ਪਵਿਤ ਕਰਾ ॥ ਗੁਰਦੇਵ ਆਦਿ ਜੁਗਾਦਿ ਜੁਗੁ ਜੁਗੁ; ਗੁਰਦੇਵ ਮੰਤੁ ਹਰਿ ਜਪਿ ਉਧਰਾ ॥ ਗੁਰਦੇਵ ਸੰਗਤਿ ਪ੍ਰਭ ! ਮੇਲਿ ਕਰਿ ਕਿਰਪਾ; ਹਮ ਮੂੜ ਪਾਪੀ ਜਿਤੁ ਲਗਿ ਤਰਾ ॥ ਗੁਰਦੇਵ ਸਤਿਗੁਰੁ ਪਾਰਬ੍ਰਹਮੁ ਪਰਮੇਸਰੁ; ਗੁਰਦੇਵ ਨਾਨਕ ਹਰਿ ਨਮਸਕਰਾ ॥੧॥ (ਸ. ਗੁ. ਗ੍ਰੰ. ਸਾ. ਪੰਨਾ ੨੫੦)

We have lost track of the family chain for nurturing the good qualities in our lives. Earlier, the grandparents used to listen to the Guru. Parents used to listen to the grandparents and elder brothers/ sisters. Children used to listen to the parents and elder brothers/ sisters. Now many families have resorted to the practice of sending grandparents to old age institutions. Many reasons could be given to justify this present behaviour towards elder persons in the family. Moreover even brothers and/or sisters are not ready to stay together in a joint family system. Independent & nuclear families are becoming the norm of the present day society.

Children are highly influenced and impressed by the Electronic Media and our surrounding culture. In such an environment, a family considers itself very lucky if the children in the family have got unshorn hair, listening to elders and are not addicted to drugs.

Only viable alternative left to correct this state is not to be satisfied by just reading Gurbani but start studying and implementing it from the core of one’s heart. In this manner one will be able to know as to what Gurbani says and what the author is trying to convey. At times you may not fully agree with the author interpretation, but with logical reasoning and their connection with other Shabads, you may try to reach the correct interpretation as implied by the Guru. Author’s purpose will be served in resurrecting the core values again. If it happens, author will feel vindicated.

“Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ke Fateh”