Transforming Relations (Part-1)

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Transforming Relations

ਡਾਕਟਰ ਪੁਸ਼ਪਿੰਦਰ ਸਿੰਘ (ਲੁਧਿਆਣਾ)-98141-17180

A Journey from Autumn to Spring – The Secrets of Blissful Living

The perception of the culture & lifestyle propagated by Sikh Guru Sahibaan through Gurbani in Sri Guru Granth Sahib is very clearheaded, firm & straightforward. 4th Guru, Guru Ramdas Sahib Jee has elaborated this very specifically in 4th stanza of Chhant- Shabad in RaagAasaa:

ਰਾਗੁ ਆਸਾ ਛੰਤ ਮਹਲਾ 4 ਘਰੁ 1 ॥

ਰਤਨਾ ਰਤਨ ਪਦਾਰਥ ਬਹੁ ਸਾਗਰੁ ਭਰਿਆ ਰਾਮ ॥  ਬਾਣੀ ਗੁਰਬਾਣੀ ਲਾਗੇ ਤਿਨ੍ ਹਥਿ ਚੜਿਆ ਰਾਮ ॥ 

ਗੁਰਬਾਣੀ ਲਾਗੇ ਤਿਨ੍ ਹਥਿ ਚੜਿਆ ਨਿਰਮੋਲਕੁ ਰਤਨੁ ਅਪਾਰਾ ॥  ਹਰਿ ਹਰਿ ਨਾਮੁ ਅਤੋਲਕੁ ਪਾਇਆ

ਤੇਰੀ ਭਗਤਿ ਭਰੇ ਭੰਡਾਰਾ ॥  ਸਮੁੰਦੁ ਵਿਰੋਲਿ ਸਰੀਰੁ ਹਮ ਦੇਖਿਆ ਇਕ ਵਸਤੁ ਅਨੂਪ ਦਿਖਾਈ ॥ 

ਗੁਰ ਗੋਵਿੰਦੁ ਗੁੋਵਿੰਦੁ ਗੁਰੂ ਹੈ ਨਾਨਕ ਭੇਦੁ ਨ ਭਾਈ ॥੪॥੧॥੮॥

 (SGGS – Raag Aasaa Chhant Mehla 4 Ghar 1 – Page 442)

Raag Aasaa Chhant Mehla 4 Ghar 1 ||

Ratnaa Ratan Padaarath Bahu Saagar Bhari-aa Raam ||

Baanee Gurbaanee Laagay Tin Hath Charhi-aa Raam ||

Gurbaanee Laagay Tin Hath Charhi-aa Nirmolak Ratan Apaaraa ||

Har Har Naam Atolak Paa-i-aa Tayree Bhagat Bharay Bhandaaraa ||

Samund Virol Sareer Ham Daykhi-aa Ikk Vasat Anoop Dikhaa-ee ||

Gur Govind Govind Guroo Hai Naanak Bhayd Na Bhaa-ee ||4||1||8||  (Page 442)

Gurbani is a treasure trove of lifestyles; be it about spiritual life, social life, family life, honest work culture, selfless service etc., one need to delve deeper to find gems & pearls of virtues in this treasure chest to realize the evergreen way of life (weather it was 500 years ago or in the fast-paced present modern times) in all aspects of life. One gets wonder-struck at the simplicity & beauty of all this in Gurbani. You find Guru Sahibaan clearly defining the real lifestyle for everybody in different streams of life; be it a Pandit, Brahman, Yogi, Sanyasi, Vaishya, Khashtri, Shudar etc. belonging to so-called upper caste/ lower caste people; administrators or rulers of the land, Kazi, Mullah, common-man in day to day life doing business/service or a person professing to be a Sikh i.e. a disciple & follower treading on

Guru Patshah’s path: 5th Guru, Guru Arjun Sahib has very beautifully pointed towards this treasure in the following lines of Sloks of 17th Pauree of Ramkalee Ki Vaar:

ਸਲੋਕ ਮ: ੫॥ ਸੋਇ ਸੁਣੰਦੜੀ ਮੇਰਾ ਤਨੁ ਮਨੁ ਮਉਲਾ ਨਾਮੁ ਜਪੰਦੜੀ ਲਾਲੀ ॥

ਪੰਧਿ ਜੁਲੰਦੜੀ ਮੇਰਾ ਅੰਦਰੁ ਠੰਢਾ  ਗੁਰ ਦਰਸਨੁ ਦੇਖਿ ਨਿਹਾਲੀ ॥੧॥

ਮ: ੫॥ ਹਠ ਮੰਝਾਹੂ ਮੈ ਮਾਣਕੁ ਲਧਾ ॥  ਮੁਲਿ ਨ ਘਿਧਾ ਮੈ ਕੂ ਸਤਿਗੁਰਿ ਦਿਤਾ ॥

ਢੂੰਢ ਵਞਾਈ ਥੀਆ ਥਿਤਾ ॥ ਜਨਮੁ ਪਦਾਰਥੁ ਨਾਨਕ ਜਿਤਾ ॥੨॥

(SGGS – Ram kalee Kee Vaar Mehlaa 5 – Sloks of 17th Pauree – Page 964) Slok Mehlaa 5 ||

So-e Sunandarhee Mayraa Tan Man Maulaa Naam Japandrhee Laalee ||

Pandh Julandrhee Mayraa Andar Thandaa Gur Darshan Dekh Nihalee ||1||

Mehlaa 5 || Hath Majhaah-oo Mai-n Manak Ladhaa || Mull Na Ghidhaa Mai-n K-u Satgur Ditta ||

Dhoondh Vanjhaa-ee Theeyaa Thitaa || Janam Padarath Naanak Jitta ||2 ||

When we talk about fast eroding family values within last half century, we need a pragmatic view of development of science, shrinking of family from a big joint family encompassing 3-4 generations living together to single nucleus family consisting of father, mother & 1-2 children, we realize the steep downfall in human relations & values across the globe, which is now spreading its veil in our country very fast. The perception of precious family values in building up the character of next generations,has to be seen to be losing out to more selfish & ego-centric behavior & inching towards little concern for even closer members of the family tree. Even the nuclear family is facing fissures of non-compatibility between husband & wife, leading to broken relationships, divorce & many times children facing the trauma of adamant attitude of the estranged relations between mother/father.

There is need to emphatically stress on and focus on real  issues & not just sweep the dirt under the carpet & claim that the room is now clean. Guru Patshah has been very benevolent & merciful. We just can’t pay the debt of Graces received from HIM. We can only express our thanks by adopting true life values so very lovingly gifted to us.

ਪਉੜੀ॥ ਸੋ ਸਤਿਗੁਰੁ ਧਨੁ ਧੰਨੁ ਜਿਨਿ ਭਰਮ ਗੜੁ ਤੋੜਿਆ ॥ ਸੋ ਸਤਿਗੁਰੁ ਵਾਹੁ ਵਾਹੁ ਜਿਨਿ ਹਰਿ ਸਿਉ ਜੋੜਿਆ ॥ 

ਨਾਮੁ ਨਿਧਾਨੁ ਅਖੁਟੁ ਗੁਰੁ ਦੇਇ ਦਾਰੂਓ ॥ ਮਹਾ ਰੋਗੁ ਬਿਕਰਾਲ ਤਿਨੈ ਬਿਦਾਰੂਓ ॥ 

ਪਾਇਆ ਨਾਮੁ ਨਿਧਾਨੁ ਬਹੁਤੁ ਖਜਾਨਿਆ ॥ ਜਿਤਾ ਜਨਮੁ ਅਪਾਰੁ ਆਪੁ ਪਛਾਨਿਆ ॥ 

ਮਹਿਮਾ ਕਹੀ ਨ ਜਾਇ ਗੁਰ ਸਮਰਥ ਦੇਵ ॥ ਗੁਰ ਪਾਰਬ੍ਰਹਮ ਪਰਮੇਸੁਰ ਅਪਰੰਪਰ ਅਲਖ ਅਭੇਵ ॥੧੬॥

 (SGGS – Raag Goojree Vaar Mehla 5 – 16th Pauree- Page 522)

So Satgur Dhan Dhan Jin Bharam Garh Torhi-aa || So Satgur Vaahu Vaahu Jin Har Si-o Jorhi-aa ||

Naam Nidhaan Akhut Gur Day-ay Daaroo-o || Mahaa Rog Bikraal Tinai Bidaroo-o ||

Paa-i-aa Naam Nidhaan Bahut Khajaani-aa || Jitaa Janam Apaar Aap Pachhaani-aa ||

Mahimaa Kahee Na Jaa-ay Gur Samrath Dayv || Gur Paarbarahm Parmaysur Aprampar Alakh Abhayv ||16||

We have to start from understanding the precious gift of human life by Akal Purakh, need of a family system & its values; proceeding towards importance of different relationships in the system, attachments within the closer relationships, expanding the relationships as a person grows towards adulthood, the need to keep the balance between earlier relationships & developing newer ones by giving due importance to old as well as newer relations as it happens naturally towards friends,

attraction to opposite gender, marriage, growing into your family with next generation. All this needs careful grooming right from early childhood onwards. The responsibility of mother/father is immense to see that children in the family are groomed to be fine & responsible persons as they grow. This can be achieved successfully by consistently hard effort of presenting live examples of proper responsible attitude in themselves, which acts as a beacon-light for next generation in the family to follow.

At all stages in in life Gurbani as given in Sri Guru Granth Sahib, givesguidance to us &canbring out the real perspective of the beautiful life style for successfully leading our life in this world. it will definitely draw attention & prod us to delve seriously in to the deeper treasures of virtues in Sri Guru Granth Sahib, thereby helping to a make this world a better place to live. Each person needs to start his/her journey by self-introspection at every stage in life, check at every stage what is correct life style to live successfully & see that his/her example is worth emulating to people around in the wider family, social & friendship circle. In the end, let us humbly pray & beseech Waheguru Jee to give us strength & courage to dedicatedly follow the trail blazing path shown & lead our lives accordingly.

ਕਲਿਆਨ ਮਹਲਾ ੪ ॥  ਪ੍ਰਭ ਕੀਜੈ ਕ੍ਰਿਪਾ ਨਿਧਾਨ ਹਮ ਹਰਿ ਗੁਨ ਗਾਵਹਗੇ ॥ 

ਹਉ ਤੁਮਰੀ ਕਰਉ ਨਿਤ ਆਸ ਪ੍ਰਭ ਮੋਹਿ ਕਬ ਗਲਿ ਲਾਵਹਿਗੇ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥ 

ਹਮ ਬਾਰਿਕ ਮੁਗਧ ਇਆਨ ਪਿਤਾ ਸਮਝਾਵਹਿਗੇ ॥  ਸੁਤੁ ਖਿਨੁ ਖਿਨੁ ਭੂਲਿ ਬਿਗਾਰਿ ਜਗਤ ਪਿਤ ਭਾਵਹਿਗੇ ॥੧॥ 

ਜੋ ਹਰਿ ਸੁਆਮੀ ਤੁਮ ਦੇਹੁ ਸੋਈ ਹਮ ਪਾਵਹਗੇ ॥ ਮੋਹਿ ਦੂਜੀ ਨਾਹੀ ਠਉਰ ਜਿਸੁ ਪਹਿ ਹਮ ਜਾਵਹਗੇ ॥੨॥ 

ਜੋ ਹਰਿ ਭਾਵਹਿ ਭਗਤ ਤਿਨਾ ਹਰਿ ਭਾਵਹਿਗੇ ॥ ਜੋਤੀ ਜੋਤਿ ਮਿਲਾਇ ਜੋਤਿ ਰਲਿ ਜਾਵਹਗੇ ॥੩॥ 

ਹਰਿ ਆਪੇ ਹੋਇ ਕ੍ਰਿਪਾਲੁ ਆਪਿ ਲਿਵ ਲਾਵਹਿਗੇ ॥ ਜਨੁ ਨਾਨਕੁ ਸਰਨਿ ਦੁਆਰਿ ਹਰਿ ਲਾਜ ਰਖਾਵਹਿਗੇ ॥੪॥੬॥

 (SGGS – Kali-aan Mehla 5 – Page 1321)

Kali-aan Mehlaa 4 || Prabh Keejai Kirpaa Nidhaan Ham Har Gun Gaavhagay ||

Ha-u Tumree Kara-u Nit Aas Parabh Mohi Kab Gal Laavhigay. ||1||

Rahaa-u || Ham Baarik Mugadh I-aan Pitaa Samjhaavhigay ||

Sut Khin Khin Bhool Bigaar Jagat Pit Bhaavhigay. ||1||

Jo Har Su-aamee Tum Dayh So-ee Ham Paavhagay||  

Mohi Doojee Naahee Tha-ur Jis Peh Ham Jaavhagay ||2||

Jo Har Bhaaveh Bhagat Tinaa Har Bhaavhigay ||  

Jotee Jot Milaa-ay Jot Ral Jaavhagay ||3||

Har Aapay Ho-ay Kirpaal Aap Liv Laavhigay ||

Jan Naanak Saran Du-aar Har Laaj Rakhaavhigay ||4||6||

Chapter 1

Life is like a Train Ride:

Life is like a train ride, we get on, ride, get off, get back on and ride some more. There are accidents and delays. At certain stops there are surprises. Some of these will translate into great moments of joy; some will result in profound sorrow.When we are born and we first board the train, we meet people whom we think will be with us for the entire journey.  Those people are our parents ! Sadly, this is far from the truth. Our parents are with us for as long as we absolutely need them. They too have journeys they must complete. We live on with the memories of their love, affection, friendship, guidance and their ever presence. There are others who board the train and who eventually become very important to us, in turn.These people are our brothers, sisters, friends and acquaintances, whom we will learn to love, and cherish.Some people consider their journey like a jaunty tour. They will just go merrily along. Others will encounter many upsets, tears, losses on their journey. Others still, will linger on to offer a helping hand to anyone in need. Some people on the train will leave an everlasting impression when they get off….Some will get on and get off the train so quickly, they will scarcely leave a sign that they ever travelled along with you or ever crossed your path… We will sometimes be upset that some passengers, whom we love, will choose to sit in another compartment and leave us to travel on our own. Then again, there’s nothing that says we can’t seek them out anyway. Nevertheless, once sought out and found, we may not even be able to sit next to them because that seat will already be taken.That’s okay …everyone’s journey will be filled with hopes, dreams, challenges, setbacks and goodbyes.We must constantly strive to understand our travel companions and look for the best in everyone. We must strive to make the best of it… no matter what… Remember that at any moment during our journey, any one of our travel companions can have a weak moment and be in need of our help. We too may vacillate or hesitate, even trip… hopefully we can count on someone being there to be supportive and understanding. The bigger mystery of our journey is that we don’t know when our last stop will come.  Neither do we know when our travel companions will make their last stop. Not even those sitting in the seat next to us.Personally, I know I’ll be sad to make my final stop…. I am sure of it ! My separation from all those friends and acquaintances I made during the train ride will be painful. Leaving all those I’m close to will be a sad thing. But then again, I’m certain that one day I’ll get to the main station only to meet up with everyone else. They’ll all be carrying their baggage… most of which they didn’t have when they first got on this train. I’ll be glad to see them again. I’ll also be glad to have contributed to their baggage… and to have enriched their lives, just as much as they will have contributed to my baggage and enriched my life. We’re all on this train ride together. Above all, we should all try to strive to make the ride as pleasant and memorable as we can, right up until we each make the final stop and leave the train for the last time.

ਮਾਤ ਪਿਤਾ ਬਨਿਤਾ ਸੁਤ ਬੰਧਪ ਇਸਟ ਮੀਤ ਅਰੁ ਭਾਈ ॥

ਪੂਰਬ ਜਨਮ ਕੇ ਮਿਲੇ ਸੰਜੋਗੀ ਅੰਤਹਿ ਕੋ ਨ ਸਹਾਈ ॥੧॥ 

ਮੁਕਤਿ ਮਾਲ ਕਨਿਕ ਲਾਲ ਹੀਰਾ ਮਨ ਰੰਜਨ ਕੀ ਮਾਇਆ ॥ 

ਹਾ ਹਾ ਕਰਤ ਬਿਹਾਨੀ ਅਵਧਹਿ ਤਾ ਮਹਿ ਸੰਤੋਖੁ ਨ ਪਾਇਆ ॥੨॥  

(SGGS Jait sree Mehlaa 5 Ghar 3 – Page 700)

Maat Pitaa Banitaa Sutt Bandhap Isatt Meet  Arr Bhaaee||

Poorab Janam Kay Miley Sanjogee Anteh Ko Naa Sahaaee||1||

Mukat Maal Kanik Laal Heeraa Ma’n ra’nja’n Kee Maaiyaa||

Haa Haa Karat Bihaanee Avdeh Taa   Meh Santokh Naa Paaiyaa||2||

Mother, father and sons/daughters are all made by the Lord; the relationships of all are established by the Lord. I have given up all my strength, O my brother. The mind and body belong to the Lord, and the human body is entirely under His control. The Lord Himself infuses devotion into His humble devotees. In the midst of family life, they remain unattached. I have seen that all relationships are false, and so I have grasped hold of the hem of your robe, Lord.

(…ਚਲਦਾ ….. Continued in next month’s issue)