Transforming Relations (part-11)
A Journey from Autumn to Spring – The Secrets of Blissful Living
ਡਾ. ਪੁਸ਼ਪਿੰਦਰ ਸਿੰਘ (ਲੁਧਿਆਣਾ) 98141-17180
6th Chapter – Understanding Relationships –4Th Part
Miracle of Three Words
There are many things that we can do to perk up and strengthen our inter-personal relationships. Yet the most effective system involves saying of just three words.
“I’ll Be There”
If you ever to call a friend in the middle of the night, to take a sick child to hospital, or when your car has broken down some miles from home, you will know how good it feels to hear the phrase “I’ll be there.” Being there for another person is the greatest gift we can give. When we are truly present for another people, important things happen to them and us. We are renewed in love & friendship.
We are restored emotionally and spiritually. Being there is at the very core of civility.
“I Miss You”
Perhaps more marriages could be saved and strengthened. If couples sincerely and simply said to each other “I miss you.” This powerful affirmation tells partners they are wanted, needed, desired and loved. Consider how ecstatic you would feel, if you received an un-expected phone call from your spouse in the middle of your workday, just to say “I miss you”.
“I Respect You”
Respect is another way of showing love. Respect conveys the feeling that another person is a true equal. If you talk to your children as if they were adults, you will strengthen the bonds and become close friends. This applies to all inter-personal relationships.
“May Be You’re Right”
This phrase is highly effective in diffusing an argument and restoring frayed emotions. The flip side to “May be you’re right” is the humility of admitting, “May be I’m wrong”. Let’s face it. When you have a heated argument with someone, all you do is cement the other person’s point of view. They, or you, will not change their stance and you run the risk of seriously damaging the relationship between you. By saying “May be you’re right”, you can open the door to further explore the subject, in which you may have then the opportunity to get your view across in a more rational manner.
“Please Forgive Me”
Many broken relationships could be restored and healed if people would admit their mistakes and ask for forgiveness. All of us are vulnerable to faults, foibles and failures. A person should never be ashamed to own up that he has been in the wrong, which is saying in other words, that he/she is wiser today that he/she was yesterday.
“I Thank You”
Gratitude is an exquisite form of courtesy. People who enjoy the companionship of good, close friends are those who don’t take daily courtesies for granted. They are quick to thank their friends for their many expressions of kindness. On the other hand, people whose circle of friends is severely constricted often do not have the attitude of gratitude.
“Count On Me”
A friend is one who walks in when others walk out. Loyalty is an essential ingredient for the friendship; it is the emotional glue that bonds people. Those that are rich in their relationships tend to be steady and true friends. When troubles come; a good friend is there indicating you can “count on me”.
“Let Me Help”
The best of friends see a need and try to fulfill it. When they spot a hurt they do what they can to heal it. Without being asked, they pitch in and help.
“I Understand You”
People become closer and enjoy each other more if they feel the other person accepts and understands them. Letting your spouse know in many little ways that you understand them is one of the most powerful tools for healing your relationships. This applies to any relationship.
“I Love You”
Perhaps the most important three words that you can say is “I love you”. Telling someone that you truly love them satisfies a person’s deepest emotional needs; the need to belong, to feel appreciated and to be wanted. Your family, your friends and you, all need to hear those three little words.
When spoken or conveyed, these statements have the power to forge new friendships, deepen old ones and restore relationships that have cooled
These three-word phrases can enrich every relationship. Use them!
Expectations
Let us make a note of what children generally want from their parents and whether the parents act as expected or not.
- Material possessions and entertainment (example new clothes, – being allowed to watch movies, etc.)
- Behavioral or Value-based (to be affectionate, to give them ‘space’, not to shout at them especially in front of others,… )
Let us now make a note of what children think their parents expect from them and whether children act as expected or not. (e.g. study hard, be truthful, be respectful, etc.)
Think about why some of the expectations are not being met at both parents and children level.
- Could it be because parents are concerned about children’s welfare and happiness?
- For example, if children expect the parents to allow them to watch TV, go for a movie, give pocket money, spend time with friends etc. you have the responsibility to study well, help your parents at home, to spend your pocket money wisely and so on. If you act in ways which show your parents that you respect their wishes, they will reciprocate and respect your wishes. If you lie about how you and your friends spent the evening together, how can you expect your parents to allow you to go out anymore?
- Children have certain rights, but these rights come with certain responsibilities.
- If children expect some things as their right, they have to act responsibility to deserve them.
- Strong relationships are built when people respect each other’s rights and Live up to their Responsibilities.
- ਫਰੀਦਾ ਜੇ ਤੂ ਅਕਲਿ ਲਤੀਫੁ ਕਾਲੇ ਲਿਖੁ ਨ ਲੇਖ ॥
- ਆਪਨੜੇ ਗਿਰੀਵਾਨ ਮਹਿ ਸਿਰੁ ਨੀਵਾਂ ਕਰਿ ਦੇਖੁ ॥ 6 ॥
(SGGS – Slok Seikh Fareed Kay – Page 1377)
Fareedaa Jey T-oo(n) Akal Lateef Kaaley Likh N’a Lekh | |
Aapnarhey Gireevaan Meh S’ir Neevaan Kar Deykh | | 6 | |
O Fareed! If you consider yourself to be brilliant, keen observer and intelligent, then do not engage yourself in wrong and unethical deeds against others. Rather, look within your inner-self as to how pious, true and pure you are.
(ਚਲਦਾ ———- Continued in next month’s issue)
